Based in Austin, Texas, GRAHAMCrackers is a blog by a couple of completely crackers Grahams. THeir posts explore Giving Power to the People, life as they see it, and universal Love and understanding.

Passwords Are Tools of the Antichrist

Logged in with the intent of writing something and I honestly can't remember what idea I had right now because I am so ticked off at the long, drawn-out, insanely STUPID process for passwords and logins and email accounts and AAAARRRRGHHH! 

Techie Hubbie thinks it's all terribly cute how much difficulty I have with this type of thing and blames it on the high levels of magic in my system.  I blame it on the misbegotten demons who live in my computer and delight in watching steam gradually come out of my ears as I'm trying to log in to something that I had set up to work auto-freakin'-matically (but that was in my computer, so, well, crap.)

I would honestly pay for a retina scanner or thumbprint scanner or a damn tongue or toenail scanner if it meant that I didn't have to go through this rigmarole every ruddy time I leave something for a week or two (long enough to forget whatever "easy to remember" password that has to be different for every dagnab site) and then want to come back.

Hammers are not allowed in my office area.  I suggested keeping a hammer hung from a hook on the wall in here labelled "Hard Reset", but Techie Hubbie installed a lock on the toolbox, go figure. I don't know if this means Techie Hubbie doesn't understand me or understands me too well.  Either way, my home-grown solution has been kicked to the curb by higher powers.

I'd honestly even go for a chip of some kind if it meant that my blood pressure wouldn't be forced into dangerous levels on a regular basis.  My intimidating glare and stern tones of voice have absolutely no effect on my computer, other than making the demons giggle insanely with glee just behind my screen.  Apparently, sprinkling holy water on an electrical device is also strongly discouraged by those that know.  I don't care, it makes me feel better and at least I'm slightly more sane than the fellow who poured honey in his computer because he was quite sure it was out to get him.

I'm a big fan of this new technological age; I'm old enough to remember when we didn't have all these fancy and wonderful gadgets that make our lives much easier (when they choose to work as they should.)  But I do miss being able to lay my hands on exactly what I want when I want it.  I miss knowing exactly where in a book I was without having to resort to bookmarks and the feel of the paper and the slow delight in filling a page with a well-written anything using a fountain pen.  I miss the simplicity of finely made journals and books.

What I don't miss is having to pack LOTS of books to make sure I had enough to read on a long trip.  Now they are all on one skinny device that I amuse myself by buying covers for that look like a book (which people find amusing and cool for some ironic reason.) What I don't miss is if you lost that exact piece of paper or reference, you were screwed.  And I don't miss all the hours spent trying to find something basic that you can now uncover with a quick minute on the search engine of your choice (but not Bing, for pity's sake, what on Earth were they thinking when they designed the algorithms on that blessed thing?)

Generally, I'm a sane, mostly reasonable person, but when it comes to remembering 45 different passwords for all the different silly things I need to log into, I'm completely off the rails.  So please, someone out there who knows what they are doing, for the sake of all that is holy, will you get on with making a reasonably-priced universal login-thingy that operates on some simple basis with some non-erogenous part of my body (or whatever else that doesn't involve anything to painful or bizarre) for me to be able to go where I need to go and do what I need to do on this goldarned machine? Anyone?  Buehler?  I'll make you brownies for the rest of your life, deal?

 

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